Maybe I’m going to stop painting..

I said these words late last year (I think) to a friend during a chat about art and where we’re at with our creativity. I felt teary as soon as I said it! Am I really dropping painting? I quickly imagined packing up my studio and losing something so big to me. Surely not. But I was also feeling uninspired. I didn't feel like painting anymore and really had to push myself to get in and finish a few commissions that were waiting for me.

I had been in a similar situation multiple times - losing inspiration and if I didn't have any commissions, I wouldn't even go in my studio for months! The kids would destroy it instead (crusty playdough, dried up texta’s with missing lids, paper, pom poms, glitter and stickers everywhere!) But, I’d never thought it meant I was going to pack up the brushes indefinitely. So the fact that this thought was running through my mind this time, made me take it a little seriously.

I couldn’t pack up the brushes just yet. I had a few orders to finish. And as time went on the idea would pop in and out of my head. The longer I went without any ideas for paintings, the longer the thought stayed with me…

Until! An idea! Popped in. (I’m going to guess a mere 2 or 3 months later)
The spark had returned - in no different fashion to how it returns any other time. Out of nowhere, unintentional and carrying its own energy. I got multiple downloads and jumped into Canva to create a few images to use as sources. And just like that I was back to inspired painting. It wasn’t until later that I looked back and remembered I genuinely thought I may stop painting because it wasn’t ‘for me’ anymore.

In hindsight, that period was yet another lesson in TRUST. It’s okay if I do stop painting periodically or forever. Either way, that would be the journey. But I think I was looking at my lack of inspiration and low productivity and trying to find a reason for it. When I came up with the idea to stop painting, I felt emotional. Now I realise that was because it was still something I wanted in my life, not the beginning of letting it go.

Creativity is fluid. It comes, it goes, it changes, it’s full of energy, its slow in energy, its quiet, its loud, its private, its public. I’m not sure I ever need to remove an artform or fully commit to one. I’ll be playing in different forms of creativity and allowing them to come and go as they please. And although I froth the flow state and high productivity, I am slowly learning how important the down times are to regenerate and absorb life ready for my next downloads.